he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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