Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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