I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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