Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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