So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
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I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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