I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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