He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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