Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize