why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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