just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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