Is it normal to miss your booty call?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Less talking, more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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