im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize