so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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