I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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