On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize