I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize