I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize