I wish my penis had an off switch
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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