Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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