she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
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I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
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Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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