Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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