So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
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I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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