It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
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I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
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In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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