We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
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I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
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Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
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