My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize