Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize