I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
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apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
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I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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