dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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