someone get that fucking seahorse.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
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New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
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you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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