What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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