i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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