watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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