i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize