you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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