made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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