I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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