"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
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Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
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Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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