So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
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He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
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She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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