You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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