Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My vagina just clenched in fear
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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