Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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