About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
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He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
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I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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