his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
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Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
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There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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