and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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