So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
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I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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