I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
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that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
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Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You are a genius and a whore.
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