You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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