i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Drunk is a universal language darling
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize