I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize