Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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